My heart hurts so bad. I want to cry, but I don't want to have anyone see my tears. I may go cry in the shower tonight. So the water can wash away my tears.
My heart was broken today. The day before my birthday.
I had a dream about this guy that I've known my whole life. I met him and became friends with him since my sibs were friends with his sibs. I've had like 5 dreams about him. And I always told him what they were about. So I told him about the one I had about him last night. And I told him about what a strong impact the dream had on me. I told him that I had had a crush on him since 6th grade. And he told me he didn't think of me in that way. And that we can still be friends.
I should have kept my feelings to myself. Time to put up the wall and my charming smile, so no one will know how hurt I feel. I shouldn't have told him how I felt. Should have kept in secret, so that I could always hope that one day he would open his eyes and see what he was truly missing.
I will NEVER make that same mistake again. I just faced my biggest fear of rejection and I must say that I am crushed.
I know that deviantART is full of great artists, writers, photographers, and poets. I don't feel like I have any of those qualities. Sure, I have my doodles. But they aren't anything special. And sure I can knit, but still....
I've never felt this awful before. I don't even really know how to cope. The other major break downs I have had are all related to my epilepsy, and I can't do anything about that. But I have never dated a guy before and I don't think I will ever find a guy who really appreciates me and loves me for who I am.
My sister told me once that I should write a book, but I don't know how well that would go. My friend is going to become a writer and I wouldn't want to steal her spotlight by writing a book.
Please dA. Help me get through this rough patch.